Clearing Static
by Limited-Fantasy
Summary: Fears are confronted and all becomes clear once more. Sequel to Second Chances and the final part of my 3-part K/S series. Warning: Slash. Now complete!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Star Trek belongs to Paramount.

"Spock." The Vulcan rose from his desk and turned to see his father at the doorway, hands clasped behind his back.

"Yes, Ambassador?" The older Vulcan didn't move from the doorway, which meant he wasn't there for a mere intellectual discourse. Spock hid his nervousness well, but not well enough as those dark eyes grew sharper in the scrutiny of him.

"You have been home for 3.67 days and have yet to explain your presence."

Straightening, he gestured for his father to take a seat upon the vacant guest chair, which the ambassador did without breaking contact once with his son. Spock had been expecting such a visit and was prepared for the interview that was to commence in 3.276 seconds after he resumed his seat.

"Explain."

"I have decided to resign officially from Starfleet and accept an offered position at the Vulcan Science Academy."

"Insufficient." Perhaps it was due to his new acceptance of emotion after _V'Ger_, but the serious statement almost made him smile with inappropriate, human amusement. Only a Vulcan would use such a word to tell another that the explanation wasn't satisfactory.

"Your failed _Kolinahr_ to rendezvous with the _Enterprise._" There was no shame in the mention of failure, but Spock's lips did thin slightly, causing his father's eyebrow to rise. He expected his son to fill in the rest.

"I was told that my answers laid elsewhere."

"Specify."

"I found the answer on the _Enterprise_."

"Your are not giving me a direct answer, Spock." There was a hint of reproach in the ambassador's tone.

"I found that pure logic was not the path I should pursue. I am reconciled now—"

"What caused you to leave the _Enterprise_ again?" There it was: the question the both of them had been avoiding. If Lady Amanda were present, she would've accused them both of showing human reticence.

"I saw no reason for me to remain once I found my answer."

"Were your former colleagues hostile to you after your reappearance?"

"No."

"Spock, you are being evasive."

"On the contrary, ambassador, I believe I answered your question directly."

"This is about the admiral, isn't it?"

"...yes."

"And you do not wish to tell me about it."

"Affirmative."

"Then we have nothing more to discuss. Your mother expects your presence at dinner in 1.6 hours."


	2. Chapter 2

Dinner had been a strained, formal affair. It had always been since Spock returned unexpectedly three days ago and he couldn't fault his parents for their restraint from asking about him and his reasons while they partook of their evening nourishment. Yet, it didn't stop his mother from giving him concerned glances when she thought he didn't notice. If he were less Vulcan, he may have been irritated by such an emotional display from a human that spent a good portion of her life amongst the Vulcans. Illogical, but emotions were often so.

Spock was about to retire to his room after putting away the dishes when his mother's voice recalled him to the living room. There, he only saw his mother, seated at her favorite chair, waving for him to take a seat by her as she finished pouring him a cup of tea. His father was nowhere to be seen.

Pushing his uneasiness aside, he took a seat stiffly opposite of her, accepting a proffered cup.

"Spock, why are you running away from the admiral?" Funny how a human could be more direct than a Vulcan in such interviews. Tearing his gaze away from the solicitous blue gaze of his mother, he took a sip of his tea to gather his thoughts. His parents were determined and he knew that he could not hold out against them any longer, especially when he had to face his mother.

He would consider it a human weakness to be so easily persuaded to obey mostly any whim of his mother's if he hadn't witnessed the formidable ambassador bending to her will just as often as he did.

"It is of a personal nature." He didn't fail to see his mother's eyebrows raise in a way so similar to another human that could make him do any number of illogical things. His heart involuntarily constricted in his side.

_Spock watched quietly from his rear seat in the liner as his golden admiral slipped to the floor, head tilted up to search the departing craft in vain for his estranged friend. He didn't wish to leave Jim like that, but it was the only way._

_Once the dock was only a mere speck, the Vulcan closed his eyes and reclined his head back against his seat, entering a light trance allowing himself to feel and analyze the turmoil that were his emotions silently. There was no outward change in his expression, but within, he was an ion storm._

_The regret was expected, but with the regret, there was a pain akin to a severing of a bond. He'd only experienced such pain twice in his life: once during his abortive ka-li-fee and once while he piloted the _Galileo_ away from the _Enterprise_ as soon as orbit was stabilized over Earth. In the latter instance, he had also left without leaving a note, not wishing to make his departure anymore emotional than necessary. He knew that Jim would be able to trace him through Starfleet and he didn't make it a secret as to where he went. He considered that enough in his distraught state and he'd suppressed his feeling of guilt over the whole ordeal successfully in Gol, only to have it all resurface once more with the appearance of_ V'Ger_—_

_Kaiidth! There would be no reversing it._

"You're afraid, aren't you, Spock?" Her question startled him out of his memories and he slowly put his cup down, not trusting his own strength. Yes, he knew that was exactly it. But fear of what?

The crease between his brows deepened as he considered the conclusion and the new query that followed it.

"You've done this before, you know, leave him without notice. He's done or said something you weren't prepared for and you left him to come back here, to gather your wits." Dark eyes flew up to his mother's calm face again as she sipped her tea. The ease in which she was conducting this conversation was eerie. She could easily give Doctor McCoy a run for his credits when it came to psychological deductions.

"But what I don't know, Spock, is why you're afraid. What could Admiral Kirk, your best friend, have said or done to make you severe ties with him?" She too, had set aside her cup and her eyes glimmered with concern.

_It was the evening after he'd returned to Vulcan that he noticed the blinking message light on his computer. He already had a list of possible senders in his mind when he sat down and he wasn't disappointed when he opened the message. _

_On the screen was the scowling face of Doctor McCoy. He was in civilian clothing and there was hazy film of moisture over his sharp blue eyes, a clear indication that he was drunk._

"_Spock, you pointy-eared bastard..." Spock raised an eyebrow at the hostile greeting, but continued listening. The doctor, inebriated or not, was not one to send him a long-distance message just to insult him._

"_You've done it again: you've broken his heart and he's shut himself in, just like last time." His eyes narrowed and he felt his fingers sink into the metal armrests of his chair. That was the last thing he had to hear and he didn't need to hear it at all. He knew it, already through the bond he'd been trying to suppress. Mentally, he counted to ten as the doctor also collected himself on the screen._

"_I don't pretend to know exactly what happened between you two on Phylius Ter'o'na and I certainly don't have a goddamned clue as to why you ran away like you did after he proposed, but I do know that he loves you, Spock—and don't tell me that you don't love him either!" Spock held back the urge to stop the message and delete it at once. The more the doctor spoke, the harder it was to breathe. _

"_Look, he isn't asking you to elope with him immediately, but you could've at least told him to wait or, I don't know, say goodbye?" Human sentiments, Spock dismissed mentally._

"_I know what you'll say, Spock, you'll say to say goodbye is something human—Vulcans are above such sentimentality—but that's an outright lie. I've seen you say goodbye to a number of beings, even to your parents when they left for the Babel conference. Yet, you don't think Jim, your best friend, deserves a goodbye, despite all that he's done for you!" Control! He screamed to himself mentally as he pushed back the roaring emotions that were struggling to overcome his Vulcan exterior. He heard metal groaning under his grip, but he didn't notice, attention riveted on the doctor._

"_If you really think that, Spock, then don't come back. Run, run and hide in some dark hole in Vulcan and let Jim and the rest of us think we were wrong about you all these years—you were never even half the man we all thought you were! Go ahead, delete this message. I know you want to. Just know that Jim will wither away and die from a broken heart because of you. I hope you go to hell, you green-blooded, unfeeling machine!" _

He closed his eyes briefly, lips thinning as he willed away the unpleasant memories of that evening's message that were distracting him from the present. It was rare for Spock to become so distracted, so unorganized.

"Spock, it's not a crime to show emotion." He opened his eyes again and saw his mother smiling with sad understanding.

"You love him, don't you?" It took 3.9 seconds for Spock to remember the need to exhale. He stared at his mother, speechless as she took up her tea again and sipped. Her smile had turned fond, eyes sparkling with relief, discerning that she'd discovered exactly what he'd been hiding from them all these years. The illogical way the human mind worked to the precise conclusions was still deeply disconcerting to Spock.

"You Vulcans are such silly creatures sometimes." He opened his mouth to refute her statement, but she silenced him with a weary look that told him she wasn't in a humor to entertain his Vulcan dignity.

"You know...your father did the same thing, leaving without saying goodbye." It was truly astonishing how many times his mother could render him speechless in a matter of seconds. Both his eyebrows shot up at this admission. Perhaps her thought process wasn't as illogical as he'd previously thought. He unconsciously leaned forward, as if afraid that his racing heart would drown out what she would say next.

"He was worried about bonding us. Said that he didn't want to bond unless he was entirely sure that I was 'the one'. He disappeared like that on me three times, using the excuse that he had diplomatic matters to attend to on Vulcan." Spock retrieved his neglected tea, sipping it to wet his suddenly dry throat. Although her experience was similar, she hadn't had to live through Sarek's first pon farr with a forced, abrupt bonding—

"I don't think your experience with the admiral has been the same, but spend some time thinking about why you left him and see if you think you've acted logically." Spock watched as his mother rose and placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder. He could feel her concern and hope that he would reconsider his choices, but she didn't say another word.

The hand laid upon him was withdrawn in 5.4 seconds and his mother vanished from the room in 6 seconds more, leaving Spock alone in the darkening room.


	3. Chapter 3

It took Spock another day of stilted, formal exchanges with his parents before he finally gave in to the inevitable.

Seating himself before his family altar, he closed his eyes and allowed select memories to scramble to the surface from his subconscious.

"_Spock...why?"_

"_I didn't wish to jeopardize our working relationship, captain."_

"_And now? You aren't going to try to suppress these memories from me again, are you?"_

"_Only if you don't wish me to."_

"_You know I don't."_

"_..."_

_Spock, you didn't do anything wrong two years ago—_

_On the contrary, I believe I broke several regulations that evening._

_That isn't the point! I went to you willingly—_

_But did not know the full repercussions of your actions, Jim. You followed your instincts—_

"_Which are rarely wrong."_

"_...do you realize exactly what a Vulcan bond entails?"_

"_Actually, yes I do. A permanent, monogamous relationship...the ability to hear one another's thoughts...a feeling of complete fulfillment mentally and physically..."_

_It was a rash decision to save my life—_

_Are you implying that you think that I will one day leave you? You don't think I am capable of a...lasting relationship?_

_You acted on impulse and I have seen you fall in love with various women over the years and fall back out of it just as quickly._

"_...Mr. Spock."_

"_Yes?"_

"_Who did I always return to after those romantic interludes?"_

"_..."_

_Don't think I'm taking this lightly. I am fully aware of what a relationship with you entails and have been spending years studying and learning about the bond_—_even without knowing that we were already bonded all these years. _

_It could be an effect of the pull of a suppressed bond._

_So you're saying all that I feel and have done was not by my own free choice?_

_It is a possibility—_

_Spock. You're being illogical. Even if it was something similar to what the commodore did to me, our bond is strong. Strong enough for it overcome all obstacles set by you and others. Don't you wonder why?_

_Jim, regardless, I do not wish to hold you back—_

"_You're afraid."_

"_..."_

"_Fine. What do you want to do with...us now?"_

"_I wish us to return to our previous, working friendship."_

"_But how is that possible with the bond?"_

"_I will teach you to suppress it as I do."_

"_Why?"_

"_If you cannot control this, then I will never know if you entered this with your own will. I am no better than Gregson."_

"_...Spock..."_

"_We will not speak anymore of this matter once you learn how to control our unexpected bond. When we approach Vulcan again, we can severe it properly."_

_You say you wish to see if I freely chose to come to you during your time of need and yet, you give me restrictions?_

"_I can think of no other way."_

Spock broke away from the memory that fateful conversation on Phylius Ter'o'na to return to the present. He discovered that his heart was constricting and an overwhelming wave of shame and self-loathing wash over him. Shaking his head mentally, he forced himself to enter into a trance to meditate on the memory and his feelings.

Fact: He and Jim were freely using the bond to communicate most of their argument.

Feelings: Tension and concern. How did such communication come so naturally and why wasn't Jim alarmed?

Fact: Jim remembered everything and was not repulsed by the memory of his Pon Farr.

Feeling: Uneasy relief.

Fact: Jim desired to keep the bond.

Feelings: Joy and concern.

Fact: Jim had been researching about Vulcan bonds ever since _Ka-li-fee_.

Feelings: Overwhelming affection and surprise.

Query: If Jim was willingly accepting the bond, why all the contradictory feelings?

Answer: Fear.

Reasons?

One: Jim had a generous heart. Humans are not meant to be attached to one person for the rest of their lives.

Two: He'd hurt Jim before through his passions. Humans are fragile and as a male, he could get injured far worse than a female.

Three: He wasn't sure if Jim would've bonded with him willingly had the forced one not occurred—

Wait.

Why hadn't he broken the reformed bond between them before he left Earth three days prior?

Spock pulled out of the deeper trance as another memory sprang to the surface.

_He burned beyond reason as his trembling fingers splayed over Jim's hammering heart. His nostrils flared at the scent of human sweat and arousal. Tapered fingers upward and rested upon the human's meld points with practiced ease._

_To his satisfaction, he found little resistance or fear in that cool, bright mind. He drank in the anticipation and love greedily as he strengthened the beginnings of a bond between them._

_When he withdrew his hand, he found it caught. Spock growled and pinned the wayward hand against the floor. He refused to share the dominance—it was his time, his turn. Despite the fear of losing control, he could sense his human's attempt to relax. The effort was endearing and made Spock's heart swell with something other than lust—_

When he shook himself free of the vivid recollection, he found his eyes warm with moisture. Rising shakily, he ran a hand over his stunned face, mind whirling in several different directions, but coming to the same resounding conclusion: he was a fool.


	4. Chapter 4

It was a week before the second five-year mission and Admiral Kirk was sitting behind his desk, frowning down at the plethora of files before him. A week was already pushing it when it came to choosing a science officer and a first officer. Those were two very key positions and Starfleet was starting to get concerned, if not a little impatient at his indecisiveness.

In an hour, he'd narrowed down the few files to two Vulcans and two humans for each respective post. Despite this, he was reluctant to make his final choices. Tomorrow was the deadline and if he didn't choose by then, Starfleet had threatened to choose for him. It was going to be a highly publicized event and the press was expecting him to have a fully assembled team in two days, despite Kirk's objections.

The seconds ticked by in the antique clock on the wall and seconds soon turned into minutes, closing to another hour. He had to decide, but he wouldn't make any final decisions until the very last minute, he knew that.

Sighing, he picked up the file of a young Vulcan named Xon. Unlike most Vulcans, Xon wore his hair long in a wild mane that brushed his shoulders. His eyes were sharp, but unemotional, making him look stern and unapproachable. His qualifications were nowhere near Spock's, despite being a young Vulcan genius fresh out of the Vulcan Science Academy. He lacked experience.

Kirk stared at the small image of the young Vulcan a few moments longer before setting it down. He would probably be the one to fill the post as science officer. The deciding factor had nothing to do with his qualifications, though, and it made him feel a little petty. He'd chosen Xon almost immediately over the other, more experienced Vulcan because he was the one that reminded him least of Spock.

Spock... He felt his chest constrict as that crushing feeling of rejection and abandonment took hold of him again. He ought to contact Spock, he knew exactly where he was after Ambassador Sarek's discreet message to him several days ago.

But what good would that do? According to Starfleet, Spock's commission had been deactivated indefinitely and no word came from the Vulcan himself. Clearly he wanted to cut all ties and memories with Kirk once and for all. What he discovered because of _V'Ger _would be put to better use on Vulcan, apparently. Most likely with a significant other he hadn't heard of before that claimed his former friend's attentions. Bitter jealousy threatened to consume him at the thought, but he fought it down as he put the files to the side and took another sip of his tepid coffee.

He ought to reconsider his choices and choose what would be best for the ship.


	5. Chapter 5

He wasn't certain how Jim would react to seeing him back on Earth. He blamed it on the illogical bout of nervousness that had seized him as soon as he reached the apartment where the admiral lived. He couldn't recall a time in his whole life where he'd felt so unnerved.

It had been two days since his talk with both his parents and a day since he'd discovered his folly and spoken briefly with T'Pau before he left for Earth. Everyone seemed to be in agreement that he must do what he intended to do that evening and it strengthened him to have the approval of his closest relations behind him. It was that strength that he summoned as he lowered the hood of his Vulcan robe and pressed the doorbell.


	6. Chapter 6

The cacophonous sound of his doorbell's chime woke Kirk up from his fitful slumber. He rose slowly, squinting at the chronometer by his bed to discover it was only midnight. Who was it? Surely it couldn't be McCoy coming for a late-night drinking session?

Wincing as he heard the bell sound again, he slipped on his boxers and robe and shuffled out to the living room, blearily looking at the viewscreen for his late-night visitor.

It took him less than a second to recognize the man waiting just outside his apartment. He took a few seconds more to let his eyes rake over the image of that impassive Vulcan's appearance. He as formal and expectant as ever, as if he had never left at all. The only difference was in attire. It was a variation of Spock's meditation robes, only longer with something that looked like a hood. His friend's neutral expression brought a pang to Kirk's heart as he recalled the last time the Vulcan had made an appearance in similar robes. Was it truly only two weeks ago?

He snapped out of his thoughts when noticed the slight crease between his visitor's brow, indicating his concern or growing impatience. It took nothing more than that for Kirk to suddenly spring into action and scramble to unlock and open the door.

The effort it took to control his nervousness, however, made his actions less than casual. He missed leaning against the doorway and slipped before he caught himself against the door with a hand. Not that he cared as his heart warmed when he saw a flared brow rise at his unexpected clumsiness. It was no hologram. It was really Spock.

"Ah...hi." Gods, keep it together, Jim Kirk! You're acting like a nervous teenager on a first date!

There was another pause before Kirk realized that Spock was still standing in the hall. Flushing, he cleared his throat and ushered his silent friend in with a smile and a wave of his hand, indicating for him to take one of the two couches in his living room. He didn't trust himself with words just yet, not when his eyes and mind were focused so completely on drinking in the appearance of his best friend.

Kirk couldn't remember what happened for the next few seconds, but by the time he returned to reality, the door was closed and he was seated opposite his friend with two steaming cups of replicated tea upon the table for the two of them. Neither spoke, although their eyes never left one another the whole time. The silent communication they used to be so adept at using seemed to be lacking that evening almost as much as verbal.

In an attempt to lessen the tension and to calm his racing heart, Kirk looked away and reached for a cup of tea, only to accidentally brush his fingers against Spock's much warmer and drier ones. As if shocked, the both of them withdrew their hands quickly. Kirk gave his expressionless Vulcan a weak, apologetic smile and shrugged as he picked up a cup and Spock followed the suit a second later.

For several minutes, the both of them contented themselves to sipping tea and shooting one another glances when the other wasn't looking. It didn't take someone as close as Kirk to know that Spock was very, very nervous. The Vulcan's nervousness made him feel a little more at ease. He waited patiently, as he used to do years ago, for his friend to speak.

"Jim..." Kirk set down his half-drunk tea and lifted his eyes to meet with Spock's. He wasn't surprised at the apprehension in those oft-expressive brown eyes. The admiral smiled encouragingly as waited for the Vulcan to continue, mentally conditioning himself to not react too disappointed at the final answer. The time had come and he expected no more than rejection, but he hoped that they would still remain friends as they had four years ago.

To his surprise, Spock leaned over the coffee table and grabbed his wrist. He noted the fine trembling coming from that firm, but gentle Vulcan grip. Glancing down at his captive hand, he almost forgot to breathe when he saw Spock's long fingers slide slowly from his wrist to his tense, unclenched hand and spread in a familiar salute. He felt a jolt in his mind of recognition and something else as Spock kept his fingers in position and slid them from the back of Kirk's hand to his palm. Instinctively, he spread his fingers to form the same salute and heard his companion's breath hitch.

Wide, golden eyes glanced up to see those dark eyes smolder, changing Spock's expression to one of alarming sensuality. He held back a shudder of desire at such a sudden display of unchecked lust from his Vulcan friend. It had been years since he'd seen Spock look at him that way. He could already feel his cock stirring with interest when Spock's fingers moved again to caress the side of his hand. He briefly wondered again if it was all a dream

"It's not a dream." Those dark eyes softened a fraction as control seemed to slowly settle back over the Vulcan's baser desires and the caress was withdrawn.

Confusion and fear now reflected from the admiral's expression, but fear soon faded, replaced with anticipation as Spock moved around the table and kneeled before him. He took Kirk's abandoned hand again, but this time, only lightly as sensitive Vulcan fingertips rubbed against his now-damp hand. Spock's eyes were gentle now, but there was still a small degree of nervousness in them as he spoke again:

"Jim, we remain bonded, despite all that has happened. I was a fool to even think I could ever severe it willingly." Kirk's throat went dry at the admission. His previous doubts were swiftly retreating as he watched Spock extract something from his robe pocket.

The Vulcan kept whatever he took out in his fist, out of the admiral's sight as his dark eyes traveled back up to Kirk's waiting face.

"I've thought this through quite thoroughly and find your logic regarding our relationship sound. Although I find this human custom strange, I am still half-human and therefore believe that we should go through with it regardless..." The Vulcan's rambling was indication enough that what he was saying wasn't planned well beforehand. To see Spock improvise and stumble over his words was absurdly charming. Kirk's smile grew at every word, realizing just what exactly his friend was about to ask.

"T'hy'la, would you be willing to publicly wed me in the traditional human fashion?"

Kirk felt a cool band of metal touch his ring finger and glanced down to see a gleaming silver ring. A feeling of overwhelming elation and relief poured out of him as he blinked away the gathering moisture in his eyes.

Slipping his finger through the ring and lacing his fingers with Spock's, he leaned down and captured the Vulcan's thin lips in a chaste kiss. When he broke the kiss and leaned back, he was graced with a familiar raised eyebrow and a not-smile from the Vulcan.

"Was that a 'yes', admiral?" Kirk broke into a grin and pulled Spock onto the couch, boldly letting his still-entwined fingers stroke at the dry skin of Spock's hand. He heard a faint shuddering exhale from the Vulcan as he leaned his forehead against Spock's.

"Affirmative, Mr. Spock," he whispered before catching those amused lips into a less chaste kiss.


	7. The Next Day

The next day, Doctor McCoy spilled his coffee all over his desk at the sight of a very tousled and (hopefully only) half-naked Mr. Spock looking out at him with a raised eyebrow from the comm screen.

"Why, Doctor, with such carelessness, I hardly see why Jim believes you still fit to be the _Enterprise's _chief medical officer." He shook off the shock and responded with a glare.

"Why you pointy-eared hobgoblin—"

"I believe your last invective against me included 'green-blooded' and 'unfeeling'—"

"Spock, stop poking at Bones so early in the morning and tell him already!" said a voice not far from where Spock was seated. McCoy's scowl became a knowing, almost boastful smirk at the sound of the familiar, amused tone he hadn't heard in weeks. His change in early-morning demeanor was noted by the Vulcan and McCoy now saw a trace of amusement in that condescending expression.

"So how long do I have to get ready?" He didn't need to hear the news; he already knew and he was secretly proud of Spock for finally getting the balls to do it. Knowing Jim, he doubted that he would even have more than four hours to locate his dress uniform and shine his shoes.

"5.35 hours, Doctor, and you need not bring your hypospray for the occasion." McCoy couldn't help, but give a low whistle of surprise at the generosity of an extra 1.35 hours, which only made Spock's lips quirk upwards and Jim probably roll his eyes in the background.

"Oh, and Bones..." A very exuberant Jim Kirk suddenly appeared, dressed in white for work. He almost looked as young as he was seven years ago as he grinned at his tired CMO. "I expect you to be wearing your stiffest collar today to San Francisco, you're our best man."

McCoy feigned a look of indignation and grumbled under his breath about bringing the hypospray, in that case. It caused Spock to raise his eyebrow again and Jim to chuckle as they said their farewells and ended the communiqué.

Once the screen was blank again, McCoy sighed and looked down at the mess he'd made of his work desk.

"That pointy-eared, conniving...he better watch what he drinks tonight," he murmured under his breath with a devious smile. It'd serve Spock right after all the hell he'd made Jim and McCoy go through those past few weeks, not to mention years. He was sure Jim would appreciate finally discovering what could get a Vulcan drunk.


End file.
